9 Steps to More Effective Parenting for Parents


It has more to do with how you spend your time than how you spend your money. Children need a relationship more than they need things. But when parents come home at the end of the day, there’s not a lot of energy or creativity left over for relationships. Parents need to rethink and reprioritize how they spend it. A recent survey found that 88% of women aged who care for kids and their own ageing parents were stressed at work. That’s hardly surprising considering the multitude of things any parent has to juggle.

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We project our critical feelings about ourselves on to our children. If I could go back in time to when I was a new mother, simply knowing that I did not need to be a perfect parent would have been so much help. Also, parenting ineffectively just because that is how you were raised isn’t a good excuse either. We parent at our best when we blend classic parenting techniques with modern ones. If a parenting technique worked for your parent but is not working for you, then stop using that technique!

Do your best, trust yourself and enjoy the company of the small person in your life. “The same drive for independence that is making your three-year-old say ‘no’ all the time is what’s motivating him to be toilet trained,” writes Steinberg. “The same intellectual growth spurt that is making your 13-year-old curious and inquisitive in the classroom also is making her argumentative at the dinner table.” “It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love,” he writes. Too many parents base their actions on gut reaction.

Why is conversation so important for children?

Tell them you depreciable assets them every day, even if you’re upset with them. Make an effort to create a strong physical and emotional bond with your child throughout their entire childhood. Focusing on your needs does not make you selfish.

As your child develops, the challenges will change, and your thinking may evolve, but your approach should be consistent, firm and loving. Help your child learn through experience that making an effort builds confidence and helps you learn to tackle challenges. Calibrate your expectations about what your child is capable of doing independently, whether you have an infant learning to sleep through the night, a toddler helping to put toys away, or an older child resolving conflicts. Be there for your child all the way into adulthood. Your parenting will have a life-long effect on your child, and they’ll always need your love and affection, even if you’re hundreds of miles away.

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Even those who had a good upbringing and a happy childhood may want to change some aspects of how they were brought up. You don’t need to have all the answers to be a good parent. Ask clarifying questions using simple words will help them make sense of their experiences and integrate their memories. But there’s another reason for communication. You help your child integrate different parts of their brain, a critical process in a child’s development. Most of us already know the importance of communication.

When they do face conflict, they tend to fight fair in front of their kids.

A better parent asks questions and re-evaluates their actions to learn good parenting skills. A better parent will decide the consequences their children will face for breaking the rules. The AAP suggeststake-away privileges, reduced screen time, time-outs, and other logical consequences instead of yelling. Making fair rules helps a child learn what they can and can’t do. Creating clear rules decreases yelling because when a child breaks a rule, everyone understands how and why.

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Taking science-based parental advice may not be the easiest way to parent. It may require more work on your part in the short term but can save you lots of time and agony in the long run. To not let the survival mode dominate your life, next time you feel angry or frustrated, step back. Think about what anger and frustration will do for you or your child. Many of us want to parent differently from our parents.

It’s a Tough Job, & You’re Not Alone!:

My wife and I never used any physical object of any kind. Not sure I had a theological reason one way or the other, it was just never necessary. It is OK to feel angry or frustrated, as long as you behave properly.


Why is it so important to discipline children? Kids who are not disciplined are much more likely to be spoiled, ungrateful, greedy, and, not surprisingly, have trouble making friends and being happy later in life. Well, success in life includes your role as a parent.

How can parents make sure they present a united front to their kids?

But successful parents understand that their responsibility to their children is not to always please them or make them happy. It’s to make the hard decisions that will be for their best in the long run. Small children vary tremendously in how they eat; some are voracious and omnivorous, and others are highly picky and can be very difficult to feed. Let her feed herself as soon as and as much as possible; by “playing” with her food she’ll learn about texture, taste and independence.

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But as kids enter the tween and teen years they may push back and feel exposed or embarrassed by what their parents have posted, leading to family conflict. Parents should understand the privacy settings of all their social media platforms, consider whether a particular photo may eventually embarrass a child and as kids get older, ask for their approval before sharing anything online. Fortunately, it’s not that hard to be the right parent for your own child.

Healthy relationships form the foundation on which children will draw upon later in their own lives. They foster the stability needed for young children to grow, thrive and experiment. It’s important that the home is a safe place that models and shows selfless love. Successful adults are faithful to each other. They certainly do not take for granted the commitments made to one another.

Since the children are changing every day, you need to change your style too. While giving children a chance to try new things, parents can further encourage independence and autonomy by praising accomplishments. Avoid belittling children, as this does not promote healthy self-esteem and is more damaging than helpful. Parents don’t have all the answers, and raising children in today’s digital world creates additional challenges.

Have you noticed how many times have you behaved negatively or bashed your kids in a day? Of course, you wouldn’t criticize them unless they have done something bad, but have you noticed the things they are doing good? Inform your kids about the importance of using technologies responsibly. Warn them about online dangers and advise them about safety measures so that they could be aware of how to protect themselves from the Internet threats. Instill them with proper cyber-manners and etiquette and explain that a good reputation is essential not only in the real life, but also in online communication.

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Encouraging creativity in a structured environment gives your child the best opportunity to develop into a happy and productive adult. Every good parent should have the Find My Kids app on their smartphone to keep the child safe even at a distance! Learn more about the service and start using it today. For example, telling your child they can’t use their smartphone if they don’t put away the dishes after dinner puts the decision in your child’s hands.

Here is my list of 6 characteristics that I believe describes a good parent. Later, I have also outlined a list of 6 points for further growth for the parent who has already mastered the first 6 points. Then I came across Donald Winnicott’s writings on the “Good Enough Mother” and all of my worries seemed to shrink away. Certainly, they didn’t all go away, but I now had a new perspective on parenting that helped relieve some of my worrying. The clearer you are about this job description, the more able you’ll be to maintain a balanced approach to this thing called control.

  • However, the structure is also equally critical for the development of your child.
  • If they refuse to finish whatever food is on their plate, just let it go.
  • Many of us want to parent differently from our parents.
  • Listening, being supportive, encouraging activity and creativity, and establishing a secure family structure all go a long way toward providing the kind of childhood that help kids thrive.
  • Utilize these typically reasonable years to cement your relationship and let your child develop his or her unique identity.
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I’ve seen so many parents try to save their kids from failing. But Nia’s parents wanted to make sure they created an environment where it was okay to fail. “I think they were excited to watch the process unfold as I grew up and learned that lesson. My father taught me that in your wounds lie your gifts, and in your failures lie your opportunities,” she said. “My mom was a trial attorney. Most of the time she won, sometimes she lost,” Nia said. “I remember my dad often asking me, ‘What did you fail at today?’ He asked me when I was young and he was driving me to or from school; he asked me when I was in college; and he asked me more frequently when I started to work.” When he was in elementary and middle school, she would help him sort through his clothes, books and toys, and they would give some away to kids who could use them.

  • In this busy era, it is very difficult for parents to even have dinner with their kids, let alone spend some extra time.
  • It’s a job that gets so little in the way of public affirmation, and all to often, plenty of criticism when things go wrong.
  • Communication is one of the key elements in building a healthy relationship with your children.
  • If kids are told that they aced a test because of their innate intelligence, that creates a “fixed” mindset.

Deanna Dawson-Jesus is a Birth Doula, Childbirth, and Lactation Educator based in Danville, California. As the owner of Birthing Babies – A Celebration of Life, Deanna has 19 years of birth doula experience and has assisted with over 250 births. She also has over five years of postpartum doula experience and assists more than ten families. Deanna has additional extensive training in Assisted Reproductive Technologies, VBAC support, and Perinatal Loss Support. She is a Certified Birth Doula by DONA International and teaches at Blossom Birth and Family.

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